Soul Play – Hide and Seek

Sitting at home, expelling my emotions, and completely alone.
Unable to hear the silence surrounding as in these thunderous thoughts I drown.

Ashes surround my now hollow shell of a being. Ashes of a life that I dreamed I could be living.

Glimpses of who I was only tend to surface in puzzle perfect moments…
My soul has been misplaced and I am hopeless to find it…

When did I lose my true self? Where did she go?
Why is she hiding?
What do I do to save her?
How will I know if I have?
Who am I right now?

All of these questions playing on infinity’s loop taunting me.

In my bed still completely alone I have finished writing and now all I can do is fall asleep in my empty home…

Copyright 2018 All Rights Reserved.

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Reused No Regrets

11/10/18 @ 9:04 pm

I don’t regret – Walking away. Deleting his number – and continuing my day.

But the nights are much harder – The moon awakens my soul. The emotions pour out and – Down my cheeks they flow.

“When morning gets here – I’m certain I’ll be fine. Just go to sleep now and – That will pass the time”

Thoughts of his smile – And silly playful ways. Interfere with the reason – I left in the first place.

Why does the mind – Romanticize the past? When Reason said to end it – Because it would never last?

I know this man’s heart – His soul, dreams and desires. The man is amazing – He once kindled my soul’s fire.

I will always be grateful – For everything I gained. From our time together – But we would never be the same.

One day I pray – A very special lady meets. The man I once called mine – The man who she needs.

I hope he finds her – As perfect as possible. And their love is much stronger – A force that’s unstoppable.

I don’t regret – Saying goodbye. It’s best for us both – And the ones that we find.

The moon light fades – As I close my eyes. For merciful sleep – Until the sunrise.

Copyright 2018 – All Rights Reserved.

Krooked Time

10/27/18 @ 9:00 pm

If time could tell us each what do to with Free will still present, what would we choose?

Make decisions based on the choices we are given?
Or create our own paths in this jungle of directions?

Will we act the way our emotions lead us?
Or will we take action based on what is just?

Time tells me to pay closer attention
To the people in my life who deserve that investment.

If you choose to continue reading, please Proceed with caution,
What follows are words ruthlessly wrung out of my current exhaustion.

I have an issue with the workings of time,
And the way it plays games in the depths of my mind.

Dark thoughts attack me, efficiently draining my spirit.
My motivation dies, taking all of my strength with it.

My shattered soul seeks the still of silence and solace
For peace and calm to engulf me even if Time only allows it for a moment.

In the midst of Time’s storm, I’ve been separated from sanity, destroying anything and everything that could potentially make me happy…

Burning streams of clouded emotions flow steadily from my hollowed eyes,
The raging rapid of tears that my exhausted soul supplies.

The darkness inside has sounded it’s declaration of war.

Tumultuous thoughts trampling through my core.

Time just laughs, knowing I am now too weak to fight anymore.

I sit at the table
My Emotions so raw
with darkness surrounding
a light in the distance I saw

I looked at everything
the glowing revealed
and in my heart I knew
I need not stay concealed

My creativity had been stifled
by deprssions swinging hinges
but through the star in front of me
I see hope of new beginnings.

Copyright 2018 – All Rights Reserved.

Star-Destined Fate

10/24/18 @ 8:57 am

Emptiness is laying around a heart full of sadness waiting to be found.

You were but one of 7 billion of people in this world. And all I wanted was to be your babygirl.

This is a pain I have never experienced. It is a numbing madness that now consumes my existence.

I belong out with the trash. Covered in the shattered dreams and hopes of the life I will never get to live.

I know this is where I can truly and finally be accepted – In the waste of all of the lives that my disgusting existence has tainted.

This world will be better without me interfering – I won’t be missed. I hate being in this world that believes “ignorance is bliss”.

I was progressing and had so much to offer but the chains I carried just kept getting longer.

I wished for nothing more than to be free of my past but my past never wanted me to have a love that could last.

I have accepted the reality of my star destined fate. At some point soon I’ll be standing at hell’s gate.

************

I wrote this poem in a time of deep depression. When irrational thoughts penetrated my mind and infected my passions.

The only way I know how to effectively filter my thoughts- is to separate them into what is real and what is not.

I allow the words to flow out of me quickly.
I then go back and analyze them as my thoughts are available to read.

When I read these dark poems I know that any kind of depression is not something to be ignored. I know it is real and maybe my poems will help others who don’t want to hurt anymore.

**********

Copyright 2018 – All Rights Reserved.

Life’s Lotto

10/20/18 @ 11:30 pm

The most amazing man
I’ve ever met
Shows me a love that most
Of this world doesn’t get

He is proud to call me his
Something I’ve always wanted
And now that I have it
I don’t feel like I deserve it

He is the reflection of who
I wanted to see in myself
As a little girl
He gives me the desire to be
The woman that he deserves

These tears are burning
’cause my soul’s in flames
My life burning to ashes
was treasure that he claimed.

Copyright 2018 All Rights Reserved.

Simple Thoughts

11/10/18 @ 9:18 pm

Our Purpose
Our Passion
A love that seemed lasting

The sorrow
The joy
All but destroyed

Multiple Memories
And exciting moments
Together we delighted in

Inner Demons
Now Made aware
Of two happy people
Who didn’t have a care

He is special
And so is she
But issues unresolved
Festered in between

She couldn’t deal
He gave up too
She sought help
And hopes that’s what he’ll do.

Copyright 2018 – All Rights Reserved.

Selfish Love

10/16/18 @ 3:18 pm

This is a love I don’t have words to explain
The thoughts are swirling and everything has changed

This man, he Chose to enter my world unannounced
And Has enlightened my soul in ways only described as profound

He held the key to my box of Pandora’s
And He set free my deamons I’ve always desired control of….

This man has changed the very core of my being
And it is I that must ask what is my purpose in his that he is seeing…?

I’ve ranted and raved about a love I hadn’t yet experienced
And now that I have it, I refuse to live in the past tense

My past is tumultuous, there is no denying that
But with this man My future is as miraculous as Our present

He has shown me proof of true love
He truly is my prince… The hand that fits my glove

I planted this seed of truth and love many years ago
But never did I think in this lifetime it would grow

This man is my everything… From sun up to sun set
With him in my life… I am living with no regret

His love has challenged me to face my most notorious deamons
And because of this relationship I am confident in my power to defeat them

He is my light when these thoughts of mine get dark
But it seems I am blind every time we are apart…

What is this love? Is it not selfish?
To know his energy forces me to fight my deamons with efforts so relentless?

Is my love the most selfish that exists in this life?
Or is this the love, the Universe is made of? It gives me the strength to fight.

Whatever the reason… Whatever the rhyme…
He is my everything… My life’s new version of time

He makes my soul desire life’s heavy pulse
His love is the cure… and In these thoughts my mind is engulfed…

He is my rock.. My solid foundation…
A man I just met… paired with me since the universes creation.

Copyright 2018 All Rights Reserved.